I want this to reach you. Somehow.

@Harshi Nee

GOD UR GAY. D:<

Dude, I'm like angry at the people who didn't give a rat's ass about you when you were here and now are all "OMGGGZZZZZ I LOVE YOU I KNOW WE HARDLY SPOKE BUT U WERE THE BIGGEST PART OF MY LIFE OMGZZZFAKKOFFBETCH"

:(

I just wanted to tell you that..I want to talk to you so bad man...

I want to know how you're doing. Stupid, right? I know, u dont have to tell me.
Right now, I've accepted that you're gone, because I KNOW you're gone, but I know nothing else.

I just wanna chat for about ten minutes. That's REALLY all I want.

Obviously, logic takes over, and I know it won't happen.

But there's this..selfish, human, needy part of me that wants to believe it could. Or better yet, that all this never really happened.

Sometimes I wonder if logic and rationale trick my emotions into believing something, or if its the other way around. Or if I do it on purpose. Its so confusing, and to be perfectly honest, a lot of the time, the reason I seem normal is cos I don't believe it, cos I don't know whats happening, or whats happened.

Nothing makes sense, and there is no truth.
If I'm asked, I can give a perfectly believable answer without believing it at all.

I need help now. I don't know where to go, or whom to go to. Frankly, I'm ashamed, and though it seems hypocritical, I don't want to talk to anyone about this. It's GOING ON MY BLOG XD.

I just want to talk to you.
You weren't my best friend, but babe, you came awfully close. And since its you that makes me feel this way, its only fair that I talk to you about this, no?

I don't 'miss' you. I forget that you're dead. I reach for the phone, or search for you on Facebook, or go to Twitter to check my '@SakiiSan'

And then I find nothing, and I'm still confused.

Oddly, it never hits me. I feel your absence so much but it never hits me.

I'm sorry I'm so much weaker than you thought.
I know you used to look towards me for advice. Maybe not all the time, but sometimes, for hope, or just laughter, because I could give you something to look forward to, no matter how hopeless life would seem to be.
I'm so glad you did. I'm so glad I could.

But I was never tested this much.

At least, that's what I think. Who knows, really? I most certainly don't.

Rest in Peace.
I love you. =]